Poetry, Writings, Articles
A long came a crow and sat on my foot,
Her feathers were tattered and covered in soot.
I asked of her name and she answered with Sue,
I am the presence of love that lives within you.
That cannot be, my heart is not dark,
Nor torn nor ding in fact, I’m a Lark!
I take care of the sick and nourish the poor,
Extend tidings to charity and then some and more!
Yes your actions are real and I see all that you do,
It is your purpose that’s tainted and heartless; that’s true.
You boast to your peers on how much you spend,
On how great you are; a Samaritan and friend.
You preach joy and peace, yet judge all the rest,
Pray to false statues, medals and crests.
A self-righteous soul will forever feel pain,
Acting not out of love, but personal gain.
How dare you speak to me that way bird!
Your ideals are intrusive, feverish and absurd.
I will pluck out your feathers and scorch off your wings,
Then you no longer will fly, hop or sing.
Yes I know, said the withered old Sue,
I come every day, and every day you do.
Yet I will continue to visit until you can feel my love,
I am not and
old crow, but a wondrous dove
Faithful and true and with every breath,
Will continue to die this agonizing death.
Yet one day you will see me for whom I truly am,
When you are tattered and frail, a withered old man.
I will lift you as high as my wings can carry,
Into the light of remembrance, balance and clarity
- James Bene
By Thy Grace
A forge in my existence to awaken the eternal sunshine,
A glistening beam whose surplus design,
causing all nations of hate to resign.
As through the doors of my balance,
I can comtrole the land
Not by a wave of a wand, but a touch of my hand
He who knoweth the truth soon shall unveil
natures true expression and by this, never fail
With the river beneath my horse drawn feet
and the wind whirling feverishly in heat
I tramp upon dismay say I
and through the clotted veins of pain I fly
A whirling dervish through fear I dare go,
To surrender to god and live peacefully in the flow.
Adhering to my truest state,
a heart of gold swayed from hate
I will follow this quest and battle through the fray
Much like the wounded Don Quixote
Following the embers of a tilted star
Settled too close, I'll travel afar
Like the mighty three kings and the learned man wise
Casting away my dreary mind to lift it's disguise
To reveal an un-earthing truth which only few can see
As pure as a winter white, as rich as the sea
And by the grace of GOD I shall extend
one hand towards heaven, the other towards land
Come snow with a freight
Come sheath the darkness with your purest light
Just like a bride fit for her Knight
The city is clad and purified in white
So no one can see the sin beneath
Until it is undressed by nature’s heath
Dangerous the lure of the silver-fanged teeth
Which hang upon the brownstones, garages and wreaths
So even on winter’s most cutting day
The children will dare the frost to play
And although I dream of the California bay
I thank God for fathering this wondrous display
November 11, 2011/Blog Post
Grace is the hearth which hosts the wood so it can burn and bring warmth to a cold evening It is the apple that nests the worm so it can feed and the tree that bares the weight of the fruit. It is the rainbow that paints the sky after a storm, a smile from a stranger during a bad day or the angry boss who fires his employee , leaving him or her free to move forward to find the most perfect job.
Grace is present in everything we see, feel and touch. It is the essence which makes up our universe. It can be as suble as a whisper or as tumultuous as a nuclear bomb. In my experience, grace has not always been recognizable right away, as a matter of fact, it can be quite tricky in that sometimes (if not more times than not) it will appear to be negative. The beauty of grace is that we can't know the "master plan" of universal flow. The path in which we are on is based greatly on syncrinistic patterns and occurences. I am sure you have heard someone say, " If "this" didn't happen that "that" couldn't." I can't count the amount of times I say it alone! So that being said, grace is the divine intervention that leads to the "that" or whatever is needed for your greatest good and the good of those around you in that moment. Grace brings you to the next step on your journey as an experimental light being. It is a clear connection between your vital life force energy and God. They say that God works in mysteries ways right? Well grace is the repercussions of his mystery. It is the aftermath of his MAGIC that we are left with. Often times grace manifests as a realization or epiphany. Other times, it hits you in a moments notice. Being pulled out of harms way by an unknown force or receiving a lump sum of money at the most perfect time are great examples of this. Can you think of a time in your life when you experienced this kind of grace? How did you respond? Maybe you felt like you were exacly where you were meant to be in perfect time and order?
-From the Experimental Light Being Blog
Repeat The Sounding Joy
My story on the effects of bullying
December 13, 2011
There is nothing that brings me more joy than decorating for Christmas! I can't say exactly why, but it just does. Maybe it’s the act of taking an ordinary room and making it light up with mystery and flare, or the thrill of seeing everyone’s eyes widen as they look upon the glittery wonderland that I have created? Well, all I can say is that it brings me real bliss to celebrate joy; joy within myself, others and world. I guess decorating to me is simply spreading my joy! I have made it quite a habit to realize the joy in my life and Christmas is the perfect catalyst to show it. Each ornament I place on the sparkling, white tree sparks a warm fuzzy feeling in my tummy. Every sequined garland I hang brings me to a place of pure innocence and child-like peace, that which I have not always known. It wasn't always glitter and sparkles, ya know. I spent many years, especially as a child, living in a state of total denial and self-abuse. I didn't like where I was or even who I was. My peers judged me and I in turn judged myself.
Being a child of bullying wasn't easy. It was very difficult for me to raise my hand in class because I feared attention, even if I felt I had something important to add. I had little known joy. My thoughts were consumed with the hateful remarks of others my age. So, I was different. I didn't know that I was, I was just being me, yet I was made to feel that being "me" wasn't good enough and I unfortunately began to believe it.
I remember how I use to pray to Santa for Christmas to come early. Why not? It served as a real relief for me being we had off from school for three weeks! I found solace in Christmas time and so it naturally was my favorite time of year. There was a kind of magic in it. I felt I could do no wrong when it came to God. I believed he loved me and so I was eager to celebrate all that is he. Christmas was just that. Of course, the gifts didn't hurt either, but they were not my reason for feeling joyful. I remember one year we were to have a Christmas party in class on the last day before break and each of us was to buy a gift for the person whose name we had pulled out of a hat. I believe this was fourth grade now. I remember wanting to buy a really great gift for my Secret Santa, whose name was Danielle. The budget was ten dollars. I Knew that that wouldn’t do, so I begged my mom for more money and I went out and bought her the game operation; which was really popular and pricy at that time. I was so excited to give it to my classmate. We were not close and in fact, Danielle was quite mean to me. She was the ringleader inside a circus full misunderstandings and negativity, where I was the moving target. I was afraid when I was around her because I knew that she had ill intentions for me. I was determined that If I gave her a great gift that maybe, just maybe the spirit of Christmas would open her heart.
.....A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Picture it; the day of our party and the time had come for the class to exchange our gifts. My gift was wrapped beautifully! One too many boys neatly primed and nestled atop a sequined penguin wrapping paper. With a wide smile I gladly handed Danielle her gift and said, "Merry Christmas". She opened it and said nothing! Not a smile or anything! I asked if she liked it and she looked up at me and told me she forgot my gift at home. Without a beat informed her that it was okay, trying to ignore the rotten feeling beginning to form in my tummy. You see I knew she hadn’t forgotten my present, but just didn’t bother getting me one. That being said, I asked her if she wanted to play and she said she felt sick. She turned and walked away from me. Two minutes later she opened the game and I saw her playing with the other boys in the class.
I was the only one without a present that day. I remember sitting at my desk coloring on loose-leaf paper while the others played with their new toys and games. I felt so confused and hurt! Not so much that she didn't get me a gift, but that she didn't even ask me to play the game with her. I sat there alone as the class tried to pick the bones out of the poor operation guy’s body. His nose buzzed and the children laughed and yelled with glee. My gift was the hit of the party, but I was still undoubtedly left behind. Did I stumble into bad light? I was so sure my love for Christmas would melt the ice from her frozen catholic school girl heart and that she and I would sing Silent Nightwhile sipping out of the same juice box! You see I thought I knew the true meaning of Christmas. Be kind to others and treat them as you would be treated. I was saddened that I wasn't shown kindness and that my attempt to fit in failed yet again. Its funny, I think back on that now and can't help but smile. I have so much comfort, joy and loving people in my life now, that back then seems almost like a dream; but I digress. I guess the point is, is that in that moment I allowed her to take away the joy in which I had created for myself. Of course it would have been nice to be included, but even though Danielle didn't show it, I knew that that was perhaps the best gift she would receive that day and she was happy to have it. That thought became enough for me and I returned to peace. I had given her something and received absolutely nothing in return and although I was alone, I was okay. I had shown her joy. It sounded into her earls as loud as a tornado ripping apart a Christmas village. She then shared that joy by allowing the other kids to be involved. I saw her laughing and smiling. She was beautiful! She repeated the sounding joy! I guess that is what this time of year is all about: passing along the joy. Later that day my mother asked where my gift was and I told her I forgot to bring it home.
That story can be taken in many ways. I did not write it to have anyone feel sorry about my past, but to see that even in the darkest of situations there is always an option for joy. “Just for today I choose joy”, is what I tell myself every morning. Doesn’t matter how much money I have in the bank, who is in my bed with me, how dark or light it is, or what time of year it may be. I celebrate the meaning of Christmas each and every day of the year. Every night I let my heart prepare itself for the presence of God and heaven and nature sings sweetly as I drift sleep in heavenly peace.
-Found in Experimental Light Being
Going from "Woe Is Me" To "WOW Is Me!"
This is an excerpt from a journal entry
When the sparkles of Christmas decorations fade from within the store windows and the time square countdown to 2012 is a thing of the past, what's left for us? Empty champaign bottles and dried up Christmas trees discarded on the curb while the buzzing of the holiday season still rings in our ears as we trek along protesting to everyone who will listen that "this yea will be the best one ever?"
For some, tables that were once bountiful are now as empty as the chairs underneath them. All the festivities have ended and a new beginning, where everyone has a fresh start, emerges. To me this time almost feels like a grey area. Its dark and gloomy, cold and dark..oops, did I say dark? You get what I mean. Why is the time of high hopes and dreaming combined with wintry old January. Why couldn't the new year begin in June! The kicker is it only gets worse, February and March! How can we possibly make changes when we don't even wish to leave our own apartments? The holidays bring Joy, along with feelings of nostalgia probably dating back from childhood. What does January bring, besides wind chill and reluctant children heading back to school? maybe it's not about the cold at all, but about what this time of year symbolizes for me and I am sure many.
I remember my dear Guru Kelly Pipper telling me that God has led me down this road of healing so that I will be ready for the year 2012. She told me that the consciousness of the universe is going to change with a call for all healers and artists to bare themselves to the forefront of society to serve. I thought "Amazing" especially since I am both a performer and a healer! If not one, I shall be called for the other, right? This calling was never explained to me thoroughly but I believed it and knew in my heart that amazing times were ahead. What they were, who knew. I just figured if I walked with God, how could I not experience abundant opportunities. That being said, the time has come for this divine intervention, as it were.. The amazing call to aid in the community of love! What I have hoped and dreamed about each and every New Year since I was old enough to want is now upon me. Don't get me wrong, I have been blessed with many things, including a great relationship and a book of clients which I adore. I am talking about the big "doozy", the big bambino of change and success. I have walked thus far in the light of grace.. I did my work and grew spiritually and emotionally. Is there a reason why it shouldn't happen for me? The problem is, is that I am sitting here writing this in the cold while my intention of "being fit" lingers in my back-mind as I gear up to go to the gym. "Here we go again!" I can't help but think about how many years that has been my goal not to mention the others. Am I simply driving in circles? Am I re-creating the same old dreams and intentions each and every year so that I have a reason to wake up in the morning? I ponder this. I wonder where God is in all of this as well. Is he or she involved in my call to greatness or is it all on me. It’s easy to put all of your faith in the higher power. It’s much harder to have faith in yourself. I get caught up in the "easy" part I suppose. "Action plus affirmation equals miracles". I say this a lot to remind myself that I am responsible in creating my life. Maybe God lives within the “I AM” portion of that sentence. I AM God therefore I AM responsible for choosing to create whatever I am inspired to create. Maybe God is the inspiration that pushes us to take action! Yes it is cold and dreary out, but out of darkness arose a great white light, which sparked the birth of creation; this recalled in the Old Testament. Maybe the difference between this year and others is that I am actually ready to receive the abundance. Before this there were certain things blocking me from seeing all that I am and could be, and although I wish to be lounging on Kamala beach, here I am in the cold month of January, the darkness or better yet, the great soil in which light can grow from. I get it!
This is the time in which to enrich and fertilize the soil so that come spring you can reap what u have sewn. When and how the proverbial "spring" emerges has to do with many factors, one being the aspect of Universal Timing. Universal Timing is the opening of opportunity directed by the synchronized perfection of the divine universe upon an individual. "When you are ready, it shall come." Another aspect I now comprehend is emotional readiness. "Am I truly ready and open to receive all of my good" This is achieved by certain mental and spiritual practices and self healing as well as doing appropriate psychological work if needed. Finally, it’s about fully letting go of all assumptions, outcomes and perceptions that we have placed on the world and others who dwell within it. There it is. In the words of Maya Angelou, "When you know better, you do better. " I know better now. I am open and available for all of the wonderful things that I have dreamed of happening to arrive. I am ready to go from “woe is me” to WOW is me!” The biggest lesson is and will always be letting go and trusting. Through my experiences with taking clients, it is theirs too. I find myself uncovering different methods to help my clients understand this and to finally let go. All of them always find a greater connection with themselves and life once they fully grasp this. They begin to realize that most of their thoughts, perceptions and judgments aren't their own. They are then able to release what's not theirs and connect with "who they really are" and from there, they are able to find authenticity. Through authentic self comes authentic thoughts, feelings and actions. This all from simply letting go! So that being said, "I let go of the idea that January is dismal and cold. I see it as a beautiful beacon of opportunity and growth. I see myself stepping into the vortex of my creative potential and true identity. “
This is the beginning of a new earth. A new sensational place where you can become the next best version of your greatest self. I am so excited to be a part of this miraculous change and so should everyone. As God said unto Moses and so he told to all the children of Israel, "The promise land is at hand, rejoice said He."
Found in Experimental Light Being